Winter of Tomi Lahren’s Tradcon Con

Somewhere in Nashville, a boring old social-toddler wears a shirt stating “talk shit, get hit.” The sassiness excites the two-million-or-so losers who follow her on Instagram.

Seeing tradcon 4 Tomi Lahren reminds me that I’m getting old. After all, I am old enough to remember when Tomi was young and pretty—something like a 7. My how that decade flew away, never to return. Now, Tomi Lahren is just another Selena Gomez: a may-as-well-be-30-year-old whom no one bothers to tell that she has outgrown her tattered denim diapers.

On the less-dim side, old lady Lahren still has the solace of her Instagram account, where she can enjoy exaggerated compliments from burnt out betas who spray the same praise on each of the thousands of celebrated losers whom they digitally stalk. No one warned poor, putrid Tomi about the seasons of the tradcon con.

Headlines recently fed post-wall Tomi to the bored and distracted—reporting that the unattractive, unintelligent, and uninteresting failure had raged about men failing to live up to the standards of her and her old, boring, ugly friends. Anyone who bothered to notice Tomi’s tirade only mocked and criticized her—because she is no longer pretty enough to sell that level of stupidity.

Gradually, Tomi will face the same lesson that every political prostitute learns if they live long enough: that they are living only death.

One emerging path for fossils like Tomi is to transition into loudly demanding the “protection” of girls younger and prettier than her—aka the outlawing of interest in her competition.

“THE AGE OF CONSENT SHOULD BE 27! ANYONE YOUNGER THAN THAT IS NOT EMOTIONALLY MATURE LIKE ME!” —The subtext of boring old ladies like Tomi Lahren.

No matter her chosen path, Lahren’s potential is low as her sagging mammaries, and her options are as sad as her old-lady legs . And while real women (mothers) have children to show for their loss of shape—a sloppy, sagging, pro-infanticide, old, ugly hag like Tomi Lahren has only faint memories of a time when more than total losers were interested in her.

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