The most unifying thing in the world is the universal respect everyone has for crazy old ladies who make no sense. To review: a crazy old lady is just a crazy young lady with enough privilege to survive long enough to be old. One such crazy lady is Paul Simon in a wig—the fairy godmother of the self-affirmation-as-scholarship cult.
Once upon a time, in the 50’s, a boring and crazy young woman named Pauline was too unattractive—physically and mentally—to attract boys, so she became a tedious, bossy know-it-all. To feed her addiction to becoming all the more unattractive, Pauline bumbled around for a while on her school’s debate team. Upon discovering that debate was more than blurting empty, uninformed, mood-driven opinions: Pauline quit. Soon, she found her true calling in life—the ultimate outlet for blurting empty, uninformed, mood-driven opinions: psychology.
Pauline took to psychology like a lesbian fish takes to a government-funded bicycle. In no time, she was cramming herself with cotton and scamming desperate, lonely people into paying her for life advice. Out of the ashes of Pauline’s unpretty youth was born the Reverend Doctor Pauline Rose Clance, aka “Paul Simon in a wig.”
Paul Simon in a wig wasted no time breaking into the mainstream of psychology: masturbating the egos of those with enough money to afford a psychologist. After much such wasted time, Paul Simon in a wig joined she-forces with Dr. Suzanne A. Imes, aka “the bourgeois gargoyle.” Together, Paul Simon in a wig and the bourgeois gargoyle created the greatest writing ever: “The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention“—aka pure she-genius.
To create pure she-genius, Paul Simon in a wig and the bourgeois gargoyle undertook the massive challenge of rambling their she-opinions for over seven pages—and grounded their wisdom in over five sources of she-scholarship, including the 1963 classic “Women’s intellect” by whatsoever-known she-theorist E.E. Maccoby, and J.G. Nicholls’ timeless pink tome: “Casual attributions and other achievement-related cognitions: Effects of task outcome, attainment value and sex.”
The moldy airs of she-pioneers Paul Simon in a wig and the bourgeois gargoyle have inspired many fabulously impotent heirs—cotton-crammed she-researchers intent on discovering why the world is filled with strong, capable, cotton-crammed wizardettes—whose only short-coming is an inability—indeed an unwillingness—to praise themselves enough, much less to laughably over-estimate the value of their mediocrity. Meanwhile, around the same time, eventual California Attorney General Kamala Harris was out nurturing Mayor Willie Brown’s penis with her vagina—trading her sexual favors for his political favors.
Similarly, elsewhere in the world of self-destructive frauds and fools: a couple bourgeois bookworms named Pete and Jack took a break from breaking their students’ common sense, at Yale and the U of New Hampshire, to paint a house. Long story short: the two goofs decided to start a cult. From that decision, the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence was born. It is as embarrassing as it sounds. To say the least, the weirdos who run the cult look like cartoon versions of people who are too smart to know how to smile genuinely. Eh, they’re obviously just too busy teaching their followers “emotional intelligence”—especially through scholarship focused on training kids to be better trannies. Yep.
Self-doubt is important. Encouragement-cults like Yale’s “center for emotional intelligence” are bad enough for creating however many manic nags, who leverage psychology to abuse bored kids into paying attention to boring women. But a deeper badness for such cults are the goofy weirdos they enable—weirdos like Zorana Ivcevic Pringle, Ph.D., who is stuck introducing herself like, “Hi, I’m Zorana, and I am the director of the Creativity and Emotions Lab at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. Please allow me to introduce my colleagues—a bunch of awkward, cotton-crammed narcissists, led by a few effeminate guys that make the Center work on paper.” What a mess. Someone really needs to revitalize “impostor syndrome,” for the sake of shaming sense into these impostors and losers like them.