The Purpose of Basketball, for the Specialized and the Sedentary

Basketball gained prominence in the early 20th century as a recreation for peasants and slaves to be active away from work, while staying centered on meaningless, monotonous, repetitive tasks during their “free time.”

Competition always plays a key role in managing the minds of peasants and slaves. In basketball, the utter futility of the tasks performed fades into the background when the peasants and slaves keep focused on the idea that, regardless how purely pointless the sum of your actions might be—the goal is only to outdo the other team. So if your “score” is higher than theirs during your complete waste of time—then you are the “winner.”

There are two archetypes that excel at the waste of life called basketball: (1) the hyper-practical, and (2) the hyper-masturbatory.

Hyper-practical people ultra-focus on the task at hand, and easily succumb to spending their entire life on perfecting even the most meaningless or evil function. In basketball, the hyper-practical are usually myopic white people who pledge their life to breaking down the function of basketball-shooting into its precise elements, then wasting laughable amounts of time to perfect each element, then recompiling the elements into a better-performed function of basketball shooting. Hyper-practical basketball shooters tend to present as clearly dysfunctional and retarded in all other areas of basketball and life.

Hyper-masturbatory people are cartoonishly narcissistic; for example, they would far rather look good personally as they and everyone else loses, than humbly do their part for the sake of the their and other’s mutual success. In basketball, hyper-masturbatory people are usually non-white, significantly over-developed physically, severely under-developed mentally and socially, and farmed into basketball based on a mind-numbed fearlessness that extends far beyond common sense, even extending beyond a sense of self-preservation. Hyper-masturbatory basketball players can often shift to other mediocre physical pursuits that reward frantic hyper-activity born of a stupefying short-sightedness.

As the industrial devolution drug and drugged society downward, certain tracts of peasants and slaves became, by economic necessity, more sedentary, silly, and restless. To manage this trend, various crafty industrialists, in conjunction with government-controlled media, drenched the sedentary, silly, restless peasants and slaves with advertisements to watch specialized peasants and slaves bouncing balls and jumping around.

To the sedentary, the specialized seemed as far from sedentary as the sedentary had seen since living life themselves as children. So the specialized slaves served to supercharge sentimentality among the sedentary slaves who lived through them, by reminding the sedentary of their mobile childhood. The sentimentality blinded the sedentary slaves to the fact that the specialized slaves, though not at all sedentary physically, could have hardly been more sedentary mentally and spiritually.

At times, a problem arose when the sedentary realized that they presented as abject losers by worshiping the specialized. Jealously arose. But then one of the craftier industrialists soon realized that the sedentary, as vain and self-loathing whores, could be cured of their jealousy by a quite counterintuitive counterattack: sell the losers shirts that bore other men’s names. Not just any names—the shirts would sport the names of someone particularly popular among the specialized.

From there, the industrialists realized that they could make a fortune with such slogans as, “Be like Mike: drink Gatorade.”

The invitation was not to be like any old Mike—but rather to be like Michael Jordan: a thin, effeminate narcissistic national hero, who balanced out his inspiring, superb bouncing and ball-bouncing with addictions to drugs, gambling, and cheating on his wife with underage girls. Moving beyond sugar water, industrialists also leveraged Jordan’s farce-power to sell over-priced, slave-made shoes that Jordan’s slave fans killed each other to steal and floss to get respect and pussy. Then Jordan, through the non-blacks he hired to manage his money, would see an opportunity through the slavery, death, and crime—and so Jordan invested millions of his fortune into private, for-profit prisons.

Inspired by Jordan, an overgrown mental-midget named Lebron James forwent the institutionalized scam of people like Lebron James getting fake educations from colleges that make millions by monetizing their teams of massive, athletic retards. Thus, James skipped college and went straight to the NBA plantation, reasoning in an open letter: “I is already be jump high den a mufucka and be large den a mufucka—so why the fuck a nigga be needing some bullshit college? Niggas ain’t bout to waste a nigga time on dat bullshit, my nigga.” The speech earned Lebron James a Pulitzer Prize, a Nobel Peace Prize, and a doctorate degree in Systematic Theology from Boston University.

Dr. James then joined the NBA, and soon got a contract, inspired by Jordan’s with Gatorade, where the 6’9″ puppet earned millions by telling malnourished black wannabes that the way to be Lebron James was by working really hard and drinking carbonated sugar-water with the label “Sprite.”

After Jordan and James, Derrick Rose rose to the NBA by drinking Gatorade and Sprite—and by smoking enough weed to chemically ignore his body’s warnings that slave-made shoes were not enough to offset how damaging it is to hyper-masturbate, night after night, on hardwood floors. And so Rose massively fucked up his knees. But nobody noticed, because a thousand new Derrick Roses were lined up to fuck up their knees and minds: and many of the new hyper-masturbators were white!

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