After a lifetime of heroically and benevolently advocating for the mass-murder of poor people’s children, Saint Jon O’Brien of Washington D.C., former president of Catholics for Choice, was assassinated yesterday, according to spokesmurderers for Catholics for Choice.
“It’s hard to believe he’s gone,” wept Catholics for Choice Vice President Sara Hutchinson Ratcliffe, one of O’Brien’s most blood-thirsty accomplices. “Jon O’Brien’s death should really remind us all just how short and fragile life is: one minute, you’re safely and legally murdering children; gently fucking their dead bodies while howling your love for Satan; then selling their carcasses as spare parts for rich psychopaths who all deserve to be exterminated—and the next moment some anti-woman, anti-health, anti-science, anti-choice maniac beats you to death in the street with the briefcase of baby-bodies you’re carrying to the carcass-orgy at the Blasphemy Parade you coordinate with the parades for pride, sloth, wrath, envy, gluttony, lust, and greed—all of which we at Catholics for Choice strongly support!”
O’Brien’s pro-murder point-of-view was often shamed by less progressive Catholics who prolly just have small dicks because why else would they hate women?
Famous for his sharp wit, when once asked how Catholics for Choice’s advocacy of child-murder fits with its stated mission of “reducing suffering in the world,” O’Brien famously replied: “Well of course the parents will suffer less if we murder their undue burdens, and as for the murdered children themselves: you can’t suffer if you’re dead!”
Heroic Saint Jon O’Brien was also awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for correcting and improving several verses of the Bible, including the following:
“For God so loved the world that he sent Catholics for Choice to advocate for the mass-murder of poor people’s children—because those worthless children are interrupting utopia.”
Everyone besides the pro-death terrorists at Catholics for Choice were indifferent to the death of child-murder advocate Jon O’Brien, saying, “Oh well: it was just a significantly-late-term, postpartum abortion.”