Hatred and bigotry lost a serious battle this morning, when religious fundamentalists at the American College of Epidemiology (ACE) were burned at the stake, during a protest that experts say marks an end to the tyranny of science.
Xers, xims, theys, and she-bots were on hand to witness the end of an era, when representatives of the NAACP (National Association for the Autocracy of Crazy People), and members of NOW (National Organization against Women’s families) took part in a heretic-lighting ceremony in the public square that drew the interest of good goyim from around the world.
“Some of these literally hitlers are trying to beg for forgiveness, but studies indicate that they are prolly just trying to avoid justice,” said celebrity abortionist Kermit “Deathbringer” Gosnell, as he patiently waited in one of several long lines for the transchild fucking-booths, saying his goal was to “tear into as many ass-hymens as possible,” as he happily stroked his rainbow-colored ticket, imagining that it was the mutilated post-penis of suicidal translegend Jazz Jennings.
A crowd-favorite at the event attended by several sterilized feminist celebrities flanked by suicidal eunuchs–all enjoying the impotence of their chemical castrations–Gosnell busily signed several grafted transbreasts and aborted corpses for his many adoring fans, whose happy cheers drowned out the wailing of the melting condemned, whose confessions echoed, too late, the truth about their wrong-thought:
“Ok! You’re right! All behavior is epidemiologically identical! Sucking shit off several dicks for years has no effect on health! If anything, such heroic open-mindedness improves health…through the…the openmindedness gene! Yeah!–it’s a gene that…regulates human health, and is entirely controlled by how obedient someone is to political narratives! You all deserve parades for sucking shit off dicks! Help–I’m dying!”
And everyone lived happily ever after–except the dead epidemiologists.