Once upon a time, all White Devils and all the Noble Niggers decided to settle their differences by three rounds of competition.
The first round consisted of bragging about oneself in a laughably unrealistic way. The Noble Niggers–all of whom were taller and tougher than they are–easily won the bragging competition.
In the second, the White Devils used their superior brains to trick the Noble Niggers racistly: the White Devils proposed that the round two consist of sports. The Noble Niggers, politically drunk on depictions of vanishingly exceptional black athletes dominating sports that whites custom-made to placate weak-minded blacks into social submission, happily accepted: “Shhheeeiiit dawg–any sport you want, nigga.”
“Ok,” said the White Devils: “Swimming.” The savages’ eyes widened apishly. “Hmmm, oh: mountain climbing.” The kangz forgot what was going on, and were just scratching themselves and staring off at nothing. “And…well, anything that requires an attention-span of more than 5 minutes to survive.”
The fraction of Noble Niggers who lived past round two–those whose cowardice exceeded their vanity such that they simply conceded the events–they were very cautious about round three. Or at least they mimicked the faces that they saw white people make when white people were being cautious.
“How about in round 3, we prove da superiority of black philosophy, you crakkka mufukas!?,” they chimped delusionally, glancing a bit at their pale foes, but mostly scowling at various inanimate objects within their immediate surroundings that, at times, seemed to pose a threat.
“Whoa,” said the white people dominantly. “Ok…um…well, feel free to set it off.”
Thus began round three:
Noble Niggers: “Ya’ll crakkka mufukas iz racis!”
White Devils: “We can’t be racist, you simian, semi-retarded, sanctimonious niggers.”
Troop of Noble Niggers: “OMG DAT WYT NIGGA SAID A WORD DAT ONLY NIGGAS CAN SAY!!! DAT WYT NIGGA IZ RACIS!!!”
White Devils: “Sorry, coon, but you spoke too soon: we, like the majority of those in poverty in the USA (who are white), cannot be racist; because racism requires prejudice and power. We don’t have power–so we can’t be racist…you stinky niggers.”
Consensus of the troop of Noble Niggers: “OF COURSE YOU GOTS POWA — BECAUSE OTHER PEEPOL DAT LOOK LIKE YOU GOTS POWA, DEREFORE YOU GOTS POWA.”
White Devils: “Ok…and people that look like you have power too — so you can be racist.”
Consensus of the troop of Noble Niggers: “OH DERE WYT DEVILS GO AGAIN–TALMBOUT OPRAH! NIGGA WE AIN’T OPRAH, AND OPRAH GOTS LESS MONEY DEN BILL GATES, DEREFORE NIGGAS CAN’T BE RACIST BUT CRAKKKAS CAN!”
Another Noble Nigger, chiming in: “AND PLUS, DA WYT PEEPOL DAT GOTS MONEY — DEY LIKES TO GIVE DEY MONEY TO WYT PEEPOL!”
White Devils: “So you think that the whites who are in charge of society would subsidize random whites who advocate for government overthrow–sooner than they would subsidize such useful house-niggers as puffer-fish gay-z?
Consensus of the troop of Noble Niggers: “NIGGA WHO GIVES A FUK NIGGA! YA’LL IZ WYT. WE IZ BLACK. WE GOTS DA DOMINANT GENES. WE DA KANGZ SO WE GONE CHIMP OUT ON YOU AND PROTEST YOU TO DEATH WITH HAMMERS–BECAUSE WE HAVE A LARGE ENOUGH PACK WITH US TO FEEL SAFE ATTACKING.”
Noble Niggers: *Begin knuckle-walking towards the White Devils.*
White Devils’ daughters: *step from behind the white devils; snipe several Noble Nigger heads off; lower their weapons; step back.*
And as the noble troop scattered, their chorus chattered into the distance — some laughing about the present moment, some crying about a vague fear of minutes passed and forgotten, some simply forgetting why they were running so they stopped and thought about raping white women — and others, while running off, vowed to call dey lawyer and sue for a violation of dey civil right to attack white people without recourse.
And everyone lived happily ever after…except the black people–who all died of variously esophageal cancer, liver failure, diabetes — pretty much any chronic disease that surfaces by a person’s short-sighted indulgence; because dey wuz always turnt on dat drank and puffing on shit all day.