Black heaven welcomes Nancy Pelosi & rejects Jared Fogle

Throughout history, no black Africans have consistently proven to be dangerously short-sighted, endlessly self-indulgent, and laughably hypocritical.

(1) Blacks are all victims
(2) The evilest people in the world are the desperate whites who manage to survive the selective savagery of the black pets of white elites
(3) God is black

One day God, who is black, was smoking the fattest blunt in the universe while getting his dick sucked by Donald Trump’s wife and daughter (who had Wakanda symbols and “KKK white devil cave-bitch” carved all over their ugly white bodies by noble unarmed black protesters who were finally getting their lives back together).

Just then, a white devil mufuckin cave-bitch approached the onyx gates of black heaven.

“Stop,” commanded the leader of the bad-ass, big-dick, charismatic black athletes who guard the gates of black heaven. “Who is you, white bitch?,” demanded the tall dark handsome genius, who could swim, could type with more than two fingers, and could hear statements from whites other than compliments or apologies without either simply chimping out or at least descending into a long pointless narrative where he tries to sound smart by misusing various “big words” that have always intimidated his 70 IQ.

“My name is Nancy Pelosi.”

“And why should we let yo ugly, wet-dog-smelling ass into black heaven, you white devil cave-bitch?”

“Well, brave and handsome kangz, who never smell like a mix of piss puke and armpits,” began Pelosi, “I spent the first part of my life selfishly ā€” pooping out five fake-Jews from my filthy front-butt. But after that, I answered the call of God, who is black, and so I joined the United States Congress to popularize programs that exterminate millions of ugly nappy-headed niglets in the womb, which served as crime-prevention.”

“Those niglet-extermination-programs also allowed millions of our kweens (all of whom are sane and reasonable and never make a scene in public for no reason and then frantically lie about it with zero shame as soon as anyone with authority to punish her arrives) to stay in school and receive a piece of paper that improves her chances of becoming a tedious condescending Human Resources manager who is absolutely incapable of self-reflection,” added one of the noble nigger heaven guards, as he swigged from his flask of magic potion created with the severed limbs of albino children.

“Alright hoe,” the commander decided, “yo lucky ugly white azz gets to come into black heaven, and spend eternity hanging out with Trayvon Martin and Mike Brown at a never-ending rap concert, where Tupac and Biggie brag about how blacks are victims, and how all black men are bad-asses who break laws, do drugs, and are dominant enough to fuck women without needing to respect them.”

“Cool beans!,” exclaimed Nancy Pelosi, smelling like wet dog. She stepped past the handsome charismatic black guards ā€” none of whom had an STD, esophageal cancer, or a prior conviction for sexually assaulting a white woman ā€” through the onyx gates of black heaven, and into the eternal paradise of being around an endless sea of loud self-righteous boring needy black people.

Another pasty white devil approached the gates of black heaven.

“Hold up, crakkka muthufuka,” demanded the leader of the guards once again, his giant black dick tied in a thousand knots so that it would only hang down to his knee and he wouldn’t trip on it. “Who the fuck is you?”

“Well, my name is Jared Fogle. I lost some weight, gained a little fame, then lost it all and went to jail after it was discovered that I had sex with a 17-year-old prostitute, and looked at pictures of naked 6-year-olds bending over. Please let me into black heaven! I love rap!”

“Wut you think?,” asked the leader,” turning to one of the higher ranking heaven-guards who was thrusting his giant black cock into an African infant to cure his AIDS.

“Man, dat wyt devil pedophile wuznt even tryin to cure his AIDS, or provide reproductive rights to murderous nigger bitches, when he looked at those pictures of naked kids! Send his ass to hell!,” theorized the noble black kang, his charismatic cum dripping down the thighs of his newborn medication.

And with that, Jared Fogel was banished from black heaven to hell, where he was tortured raped and murdered, over and over again for eternity, by rapist murderers with hearts of gold.

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