Coming soon: The heroic kidnapping, torture, and murder of Theatre Director James Grieve in England

This month, the location of James Grieve, British director of The Assassination of Katie Hopkins, was found by someone who knew Grieve must die.

Grieve had believed that “words are violence,” and that Hopkin’s insults against fat people, tattooed people, criminal immigrants, etc. — such insults warranted incitement to murder Katie Hopkins.

“Impolite people should be murdered” –award winning playwright James Grieve.

In the fall of 2018, Russ L. Everyman, a crazed right-wing extermist (the kind who would assassinate heroic child-murderers at murder clinics), spent a few weeks learning enough about journalism to pose as a reporter; then found out where Grieve was promoting his 2018 play, Paines Plough; bought a reporter-looking cannon camera (Nikon d5600: Aperture f/5.6; Focal length 55mm; Shutter speed 1/80s) at the Walmart in Chula Vista, California; rode a bus to the San Diego International Airport; bought a plane ticket to England; and then posed as a reporter to get close enough to Grieve, and stab him in the neck with a 5-inch piece of steel wrapped in barbed wire that Everyman kept in a hollowed out compartment in his shoe, to pass through metal detectors as if only having steel toed shoes.

As award-winning director James Grieve writhed, dying on the floor in front of dozens of posh, panicking, anti-freedom milliennals — the last thought to drain from Grieve’s mind and back into the ethers of the universe happened to be one from a year or so previous:

“How dare that Katie Hopkins say impolite things! I should write an award-winning play about murdering her, as a response to her hateful political opinions! The play could be diverse, inclusive, and above all progressive: We can hire a bunch of mediocre, anorexic, suicidal faggots, niggers, and filthy Muslims for the play—and they could all dance around in fancy costumes, while singing about assassinating our shared political opponent, Katie Hopkins!”

And the world was a better place after heroic Russ L. Everyman murdered British director James Grieve.

And after that, everyone loved the killer—and his YouTube videos became more popular than ever.

And after the murder of James Grieve, the killer’s schizophenia, autism, and Wrongthought Disorder all permanently subsided, because killing James Grieve solved everything that had been wrong in the world.

So in the end, everyone (except James Grieve) lived happily ever after, and everyone forgave and celebrated Russ for the heroic murder of James Grieve, and Russ was let to return to his blog at

For several months after Russ murdered James Grieve, all the news outlets reported, “Can you believe how cool it is that Russ Lindquist murdered James Grieve for writing a play about assassinating Katie Hopkins? The murder of James Grieve was a heroic act! It was definitely a justified decision, made in the first week of December 2018, for Russ to plan and carry out the murder of James Grieve! It was especially cool how Russ wrote in his blog, on December 5th: ‘I will pay someone five thousand dollars to murder James Grieve,’ but then put it as a quote, as a form of plausible deniability, to protect Russ against criminal prosecution in case someone were to act on Russ’s open offer of five thousand dollars to anyone who kidnaps, tortures, and kills James Grieve.”

You know…”art.”

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