The original USA Constitution was not meant to apply to anyone other than a tiny minority of elite, land-owning, protestant white men.
Thus, in the post-modern progressive era, an important change is necessary: Not to extend the Constitution’s application to all citizens–but rather to render its meaning completely arbitrary, even manifestly counterintuitive, in order to secure the blessings of hegemony to a tiny minority of elite, land-owning, manic, atheistic white Robber Barons.
Hence, following is a living interpretation of what the Founding Fathers meant–id est what they should have meant–when drafting the first 10 Amendments of the US Constitution, commonly known as the Bill of Rights:
Bill of Allowance, on the Expanded Plantation:
1. Government shall allow its subjects a right to speak politely. To this end, a gauntlet of unaccountable bloated bureaucrats shall establish and govern speech-codes, amending the codes as necessary to ensure proper thought. Most importantly:
A. Communication to and about Jews should be only reverent and congratulatory, except communication towards and about any Jew who is less than reverent and congratulatory towards the anti-Jewish terroristic Jewish State Of Israel: such communication shall be dismissive and hostile;
B. No one shall ever be allowed to use language which tends to impede, or seems could impede, governmentally implemented eugenics schemes: There shall be exactly zero criticism of any heroic man who, whether by descending into homosexuality or woman-envious transgenderism, volunteers their lineage for extinction.
2. Bread and circuses, being necessary to the security of a well-regulated state: The allowance to hunt with pellet guns shall be permitted for those who pass proprietary screenings administered by governmental gatekeepers of Mental Health®. However, an allowance for hunting shall never be interpreted to give subjects anything close to the guns which properly should be property only of a monolithic military-industrial complex.
3. Mercenaries shall be drawn from among conquered nations, as a supplement to the ranks of plutocrats’ publicly subsidized, privately profitable war-machine. And passive-aggressive calls to “support the troops” shall echo loudly and often, to distract from terrorism perpetrated by USA’s mercenaries, when discovery of such terrorism by governments’ subjects may impede their zealous credulity and manic productivity.
4. If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear. And it is a Human Right for women to murder children.
5. Government shall keep and allot credulous women, credulous blacks, credulous homosexualists, and other pawns and pets, as checks and balances against the scourge of Due Process, and government shall unleash such pawns and pets, whose accusations count as convictions, as shall be necessary to obscure issues and devolve arguments into Identity Politics grandstanding. Meanwhile, cops shall lie, cheat, and steal as shall be necessary to prevent governments’ subjects from developing habits of disobedience; and media shall create violent soap operas which celebrate cops exceeding their authority, to numb subjects and normalize the Police State.
6. Courts shall be bloated with cynical slugs, rendering justice impossible.
7. In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
8. The rich shall buy their way out of consequences; the poor shall burn.
9. Governments’ subjects shall obey.
10. Powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the edicts established by whim of whomever the government-controlled mainstream media groundlessly presents as a moral-authority.